Mirtazapine Withdrawal - 9 months on..

Hi Folks,

It's nice to be back again after a wee break. Unfortunately, I wasn't sunning myself on a beach somewhere or hiking in the hills.. Rather, my choice of destination was in fact my bed, where I have been practically living for the last month.

Mirtazapine Withdrawal - 9 months on and things haven't been so good...Lots of tears, feeling like a dead statue, plans to do a runner and feeling suffocated and hemmed in with stress.

I think I'm starting to pull out of it now, but mind you..every time I say that, the next day turns out to be terrible!

It's been pretty bad, and I've been shit scared about the possibility of having to go back on the drug. It's not made any easier by friends and family telling me to restart it..'It doesn't matter how bad the side effects are dear' (Yes, but you don't have to put up with the bloody side-effects) ..'You were much better on those pills'... (You obviously have a very short memory!)

Considering how I was affected by the medication, (see my previous posts Mirtazapine Withdrawal and Mirtazapine Withdrawal - 6 months on.. for more info), I don't see restarting it as an option. Although I've been feeling bad, I still enjoy the perks of 'freedom' from Mirtazapine. My mind is clear(er), I don't have the terrible thirst I once did and my sleep is so much better.

The way I see things..in the last 9 months I have given up my flat and moved in with my partner, my financial circumstances have changed, I started my first job in over a decade, I gave up that job, got a new therapist, have an ongoing battle with "the Establishment", changes in support staff, one of my dearest friends passing away, the mirtazapine withdrawal and a big and exciting (but stressful) project at my other work. When I look at the above..it's no wonder I've crashed! Anyone would. Nothing in my life is the same as it was 9 months ago. Everything is different and I don't have that familiarity I once had to fall back on for reassurance and stability. 

Thankfully, things seems to be getting better and after a month of trying to get me to the gym, my boyfriend finally succeeded 2 days ago by resorting to bribery. Surprisingly it worked, and what do you know?! I actually felt much better after it!

My therapist has always advised me that if I am experiencing a depression, I need to take a look at my life (or my way of coping with life), identify what is wrong and do something about it.

In this case, I knew my job wasn't right for me, and I don't regret giving it up. Sad, yes. But it was the right decision. 

People around me didn't really understand, and were extremely disappointed, but I know that it doesn't take a lot to tip me over the edge and I came very close.

Now the job situation is out of the picture, I'm much better and don't feel the threat of medication anymore. I'm still wrestling with the "what the hell am I supposed to do with my life" thing, but I guess I have to take that in baby steps..

As for withdrawal symptoms from the Mirtazapine - They are over now. My appetite is pretty much back to normal and it's nice to feel hunger again and to have cravings for certain foods.

I had depressions when I was on the drug, but it's very easy to forget that! I've got to expect that depressions will come along, but the key is not to panic when they do. 

Kerry.